Ensure domestic tranquility with teenagers and sensitive issues

More often than not, teenagers of today are thought of as being self-centred, impolite juvenile delinquents who are a total disgrace to their generation. Contrary to the sceptics amongst us, this perception of teenagers is totally incorrect. A teenager need to be spoken to, on his or her level, about sensitive issues or family feud questions that need to be addressed, in a proper manner and you will see how your kids really do count on you, as parents, for guidance, and as the ones that ensure domestic tranquilty. It is never too early to start talking about sensitive matters with your teenagers, but unfortunately it can be too late.

You may be pleasantly surprised to find that your teen really wants you to establish boundaries within the family. They may chew at the bit for a short time, but they’re really just trying you out to see how serious you really are about the boundaries you’ve set to ensure domestic tranquility. So whatever you do, stick to your guns!

What are your views on matters such as sex, drugs, alcohol, dating, and anything else that goes on in the world or within your local community? Your beliefs will influence your children, be that in a positive or negative direction, but affected they will be. Therefore they need guidance from you and they need to know that you care about their concerns and beliefs. Parents ought to hash out matters with their kids, in a civil manner and not just give them a list of rules they are expected to follow to the letter. Beware, if you play the role of dictator, you will start a rebellion! Kids require freedom, they need it to explore and to mature. You must make sure they know that they can come to you to discuss anything and everything. If you cannot do that, someone else will..!

* Explain in a calm and clear fashion, what you expect of them both at home and in public.

* Respect them as the independent, young adults that they are and they will be a lot more respectful of you.

* Be attentive and supportive when they do approach you with problems or concerns.

Of course your teen will have questions about matters that concern them. Don’t ever give your teenage child the impression that their concerns are unimportant, because you will regret it for a long time to come! You need to be up front and honest with your kids, and do express any fears you might have with the topics at hand, and share your knowledge with your child so they can draw on your experiences and at the same time they will develop a deeper trust for you. Moments like this can’t be bought for all the tea in China!

A fantastic way to deal with a teenagers potential problems is through role play with your partner, where both of you get to pretend to be an adolescent. Ask questions and debate the answers that will cover your teenager’s fears or concerns. There’s nothing like being prepared! A word of warning though - only do this when your children are not around, because it could be disastrous for all concerned should your child think that they are being made fun of by their own parents - which, of course, they are not.

Now and again teens will ask questions at the most inopportune time, just as toddlers do. Try not to be knocked off course. Be above board with them and don’t sweep the question under the carpet. Talk about it at the time rather than being forced to contradict the information they get from their friends who are more than happy to talk with them about it.

Let your teenager know if you don’t feel comfortable discussing a particular topic, but emphasize that your relationship is more important than a little bit of discomfort. They may be uncomfortable bringing the subject up as well. Remember, you don’t have to spell out every single detail of your own puberty to your child, but using examples and lessons you have learned along the way should confirm that you wasn’t born the other side of the dark ages!

Teenagers may think they know everything, but they don’t. They need to learn as they develop into adulthood. Bear in mind, your responsibility as a parent doesn’t just stop when your child crosses the threshold into adulthood. On the contrary. In actual fact you graduate to a whole new level in your relationship. Take every chance to talk with your teenager about sensitive issues, puberty, boundaries in relationships, family feud questions and establish boundaries. Do it now while they are still at home, and before it’s too late to have an influence on them.