Ryan Galiotto

Posts Tagged ‘raising a family’

The skills involved in raising a family and bringing up children are difficult to learn and no single approach fits every child – just because each child is unique. Yet a large proportion of modern parents seem to believe that the best way to acquire those skills is by consulting one or more of the thousands of books available in bookstores and online.

One thought to bear in mind from the beginning is that so-called “expert” recommendations change periodically. For example, sixty or seventy years ago the perceived wisdom was that a baby who cried should not be immediately picked up because that would train him to expect instant attention. Instead, the realization right from the start that baby had to fit into a routine was an essential preparation for his or her acclimatization to life’s realities later on.

Then some new thinking emerged, notably from Dr Spock. His views were controversial at the time but they became one of the leading works of child care reference. He discredited the regime that demanded discipline and structure because, he argued, every child was unique and demanded a unique parenting stance. So, for example, giving your baby instant attention including lots of kisses and cuddles was now a good thing. And since then, many more “experts” have emerged with more and different opinions on exactly what the right approach is.

My first-hand experience at parenting began more than thirty years ago and at that time, despite Dr Spock and others, moms relied more on family and friends and particularly their own instincts to figure out how to deal with their new bundle of joy. Learning about child care from books was a rarity but doctors and midwives were available to provide help where required.

I am certainly not an expert when it comes to parenting but there are a number of things that I found worked well for me and my children and I would like to share them with you:

* Talking to my babies during breast feeding and bottle feeding: that added to the closeness and increased the bond between us.

* In good weather I found that putting our baby in the yard in the baby carriage helped baby to sleep and gave them plenty of fresh air. I realize that that this is not practical these days as yards are not always fenced, many moms have to work and strollers have replaced the more traditional baby carriages.

* Notwithstanding Dr Spock, the application of a routine was key, even if it had to have at least a little allowance for flexibility. Almost from the start we adopted a process of bathing then feeding then bedtime and after the first few months we added story time to the bedtime. This all calmed them down and allowed them to get ready for sleep even as they grew older.

* Helping to develop language skills by talking to them throughout the day no matter what we were doing: every part of the day provided some opportunity to discuss what was going on and what they thought, ranging from first getting up and dressing through to shopping, cleaning and going out to the park for entertainment.

* Setting aside time during the day for quality time and sharing – I used to get my chores done before lunch and then the rest of the day was devoted solely to the children.

* My husband and I always presented a unified stance in front of the children when it came to discipline (even if we disagreed after the event in private) – kids are great at playing one parent off against another from a very young age.

* Maintaining consistency: we were always prepared to explain what the “rules” were and we worked hard to keep the rules the same, wherever possible, because our children seemed to respect and respond to that.

To be absolutely clear, what I’ve laid out above is what worked well for me and it’s certainly not a total guidebook to be slavishly followed, but I hope you find some thoughts and ideas that help you to do your parenting job more easily. Please just remember that you need to take all published advice with a pinch of salt, because your child is unique and will respond differently than any writer can define.