Ryan Galiotto

Posts Tagged ‘total transformation’

I’ve been having major trouble around our house concerning 3 of our kids and the inability (or unwillingness is more like it) to be ready to leave for school on time. I started thinking about the problem, and wondered if this was my fault (Heaven forbid!) or theirs. Well, the conclusion I came to was a little of both. Let me explain.

I started looking through my Total Transformation workbook for some answers, and I happened upon a section called Ineffective Parenting Roles. Uh oh, this doesn’t sound good. Better take a look, though.

Holding my breath, I read on. It seems there are 7 ineffective parent roles, that seem like I mean well, aren’t allowing my kids to be self responsible, accountable or give them the chance to change. This in itself was a bitter pill to swallow, but not as bitter as the fact I could see myself acting several of these roles out at various times – uggh!

My favorite part – the Martyr.

A glimpse of the Martyr –

* Takes on the childs responsibilities, for example, wakes their child up repeatedly.

* Keeps lower what is expected and having no limits on what is acceptable.

* Fearing that the kid may not be happy or be stressed.

This teaches the child:

* Learned helplessness is effective. The less ability the child demonstrates, the less is asked of him.

* This unconditional approval can be demanded. Not earned, but demanding, threatening, or misbehaving will get it.

* The parents don’t believe they can do it. They sadly learn that they are unable to perform things, to earn the approval or to control how he acts.

Doesn’t that sound great? I was sure I was being effective!

Oh and there are 6 more of these lovely parenting roles.

This is just a brief overview, but I will give you enough info to see if you recognize yourself in any of these. James Lehman fleshs these out in the Total Transformation and the best news is that he will tell you how to resolve them! Yeah!

1. Bottomless Pockets – Buys off the child to avoid conflict or behavior issues. Children learn the sense of entitlement.

2. Over-Negotiator – Negotiates already established rules, commitments, and standards. Child learns that boundaries aren’t solid.

3. Screamer – Get sucked into the screaming and name calling games. Kids learn no one is in control.

4. Ticket Puncher – Over indulges the child emotionally. The parent takes any and all opportunities to shower their child with love and attention. The child learns there is no objective right or wrong.

5. The Savior – Blindly comes to the kid’s defense. Kids learn that they are not accountable to any authority.

6. The Perfectionist – Has impossible high standards to meet. Child learns to only fail.

There you go – do you see yourself in any of those? I hope you don’t, but I know I’ve been guilty of most of them at one time or another. If you do feel like you need some help, or just want to learn more about these ineffective permissive parenting styles, get your hands on a copy of the The Total Transformation and check it out for yourself.